Ribbed, or Tony Really Shouldn't Eavesdrop
by Rhiannon A. Christy
Summary: Tony misunderstands an overheard conversation between Darcy and Steve...really misunderstands!


Tony had a problem, ok so maybe only others saw it as a problem, he saw it as simply keeping up with current events. No matter, Tony had a problem. He had created a monitoring program for JARVIS, with no intention other than to protect the tower. Only there seemed a little side effect he had not expected. Anytime certain code words were spoken the program began recording. This was not the problem, as this was the what it was suppose to do, only he hadn't realized how many times people used the set of code words on any given day.

In the end he was left with hundreds of recorded conversations every evening, and no other way to sift through them except listening to each and every one of them. This was a dangerous thing as gossip was addictive, and Tony Stark had a very addictive personality.

One month in and Tony now knew more about the other Avengers and house guests than anyone really had a right to know. Like the fact that Nat had once had an affair with Clint, and even though he tried every night, she refused to begin anew. Or that Thor and Jane Foster were a lot more kinky than anyone would probably want to know. Or that Bruce had an obsession with British programs, and hummed the Dr. Who theme when he showered.

All of it was amusing and Tony enjoyed the secrets he held while around the others. But he was finding out that he was no longer amused. The recording he was currently listening to was of none other than their very own Captain America and Darcy Lewis, the latter of which Tony had begun seeing in secret four months prior. A relationship that he would be revealing as quickly as possible in order to…mark his territory…so to speak.

Tony's hand clenched along with his eyes as he listened to the ever annoying recording.

_ "So, what ones should I pick up?"_

_"Nylon for good. Make sure you get the right size, I'll never be able to enjoy myself if they pinch me."_

"_Do they even make ones big enough for you? From what I've seen you might need to have them custom made."_

_"I'm sure they do, they tend to stretch farther than you would think."_

_"What color? Black, white, neon, glow in the dark?"_

_ "They actually make ones that glow in the dark?"_

_"Oh yeah, I once got these cute ones that had glow in the dark spider webs all up them…you know, for Halloween."_

_ "Um, I'm not sure. I don't want to look silly, just get me black."_

_"Oh, good choice, I guess it is like a man's version of the basic little black dress. But I wouldn't mind seeing you in a glow in the dark stars and stripes."_

_ "Darcy…"_

_ "Fine then, basic black. So do you want them ribbed?"_

_"Ribbed? What purpose do those serve?"_

_ "For your pleasure? I don't know, never saw the appeal myself."_

_ "What would you suggest?"_

_ "Reinforced. We really don't need them blowing out the tips again."_

Tony clicked off the recording not really sure what he had heard. Unable to gather his thoughts, and feeling like he wanted to blow something up, he headed for his room and the bottle of 120 year single malt that rested on his bed table.

He paused in the doorway as he entered his room, his eyes landing on a nude Darcy as she was curled up on his bed. She was covered only by the thin layer of his sheet, and he should have been excited but all he could feel was anger as he remembered the recording he had just listened to.

"Hey, what are you just standing there for? Surely you haven't been stopped breathless by my beauty?" Darcy sat up in bed, the sheet falling away from her chest. She could not understand the look on her lover's face, but if she didn't know any better she would think he was angry at her for something. But that had to be wrong, she hadn't blown anything up in his labs since they started sleeping together.

"I…I'm just tried is all." Tony walked fully into the room and went straight for his scotch, only to stop when he noticed a plastic bag twisted up on the table beside the bottle.

"What is this?" He picked the bag up and waved it in front of Darcy.

"Oh, got you a present. I had to go out to pick up something for Steve and decided to get you some as well." Darcy smiled and leaned against his back, her chin resting on his shoulder.

Tony unwrapped the bag to find a small package of socks. Bright red and gold socks with the Iron Man mask printed in glow in the dark ink. He blinked and looked back at Darcy.

"Socks?"

"Yeah, Glow in the dark Iron Man socks. I saw them and couldn't resist. You don't have to wear them if you don't want to, but I thought you would be amused at least." Darcy's smile fell a bit at the strange look on Tony's face. He had an ego as large as the Atlantic, she was sure the socks would have only made him laugh and preen.

"You went out to buy socks?"

"Yeah, that is what I said. Steve finally worked up the nerve to ask out that girl he's been mooning over and he needed some socks for his date. Of course he isn't really all that fun, tried to talk him into getting stars and stripes, but he insisted on black. Boooorrrrriiiinnnngggg!" Oh well, Darcy planned on buying him a pair for his birthday and insisting he wear them for the day. Maybe she could even talk Thor into wearing those strange multi colored toe socks with the glittery pompoms on the toes she had seen earlier.

"Black socks…huh…" Tony set the bag and socks on the table, turning to gather Darcy in his arms.

"Yeah, like I said, boring. What's the big deal?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. I was just thinking, that new program I installed into JARVIS seems faulty. I'm going to have to remove it in the morning." Tony placed his face in the crook of Darcy's neck, his lips pressing against her heated skin.

"Socks made you think of that? You know, sometimes I'm not really sure how your brain works, or that I want to know." Darcy laughed as Tony placed fluttering kisses along the column of her neck.

"I'm not sure either. But that is a discussion for another day, right now I have other things in mind." Tony pulled back only to press her down into the sheets. He hadn't been lying, he would be removing that program in the morning and deleting every recording on his files. There were just some things one should never overhear.

* * *

A.N: Right, don't ask. The convo between Darcy and Steve is a bit of an embellished conversation my parents had over the phone today when my mum was picking socks up for my father. It was simply too funny not to use in a story, so this.

This is of course not The Winter Solider compliant as I have yet to see it, sadly my local theater only showed it three times and I had no money, so I will either have to wait until it is out on dvd, or try to come up with some money and a ride into the town over.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


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